妳必須永遠記住，妳來到這個世界是為了給周圍的人帶來善事。 Letter to An-Chi - Dolly, 1995/09

Letter to An-Chi

September, 1995

My dearest sweetheart AN-CHI,

Ever since I started to want children, I wanted a little girl - and I got you - what a beautitiful, precious bundle! I took 2 months' vacation and fed you from my breast, babied you, watched you sleep, played with you. You had single eyelids(單眼皮) when you were born, but one day, when you were four months old and sleeping in your room, we were having dinner downstairs when we heard a "POO TUNK" and then heard you crying. We all rushed upstairs and when the crying stopped, you had one double eyelid! Then, the exact thing happened a few months later - so now you may thank the floor for your big, beautiful eyes!

Then, when you were 16-18 months old, we took you to Paris once, stayed at our Paris home. We went for a walk at the Jardin du Luxembourg. Just to see if you were independent, we let you go off your own and see when you would turn to look for us. You toddled along, picking up rocks, chased pigeons, watched what was going around you but you never looked back for us - you were completely comfortable all by yourself. In this, you are very much like MAMA, so secure in yourself, you sometimes need no others. However, you must always remember, you come to this world to bring good(善) to those around you.  Doing goods comes in many shapes and sizes - being a nurse, a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, anything that helps people. The first step, though to "do good" is to study well, listen to the teacher (even if you don't like her!).

Finally, these months that I've been sick, you have been a wonderful small nurse at home, helping me with shots, getting tissue paper and medicines and most of all, your creative artwork to say "MAMA LO I ♥ U ANCHI". Oh, I forgot your warm hugs and tucking me at night.

Anchi, MAMA has gone to the skies and to float like a cloud, to shine like a star and I will always be watching, lovingly and gently, over you. Although I can't hug you any more, I still am living in you - if you're angry, unhappy or happy, tell me about it, I promise to listen. Then you feel better.

MAMA didn't want to leave you now, when you are so young and vulnerable, that was not my choice to make.  But there is something I can do - remember the nursery song:  

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

People may tell you: "your mother is dead", you can quietly answer them, "No, my mother is an angel and she's alive in my heart".  Sweetheart, I love you forever. 

Although MAMA's not with you, but you still have Daddy, Alex 哥哥, Lu-An(I know you love him, even though you don't always like him), 阿幼婆 (Ah Yu Poh), Margie, etc. Also you have Auntie Polly, Juju, Georges and乾媽(Godmother),Helena, Michael, etc. You will have plenty of love & support.

MAMA has left a letter for you in your baby book in Taipei - make sure you read it when you grow up. Also, I have a story I did about myself for you - as you get older. You can appreciate me more. Do not be afraid to ask others what I was like!

I love you with all my heart.

Dolly

我最親愛的安琪，

自從我開始想要孩子，我就想要一個小女孩 - 我得到了你 - 多麼美麗、珍貴的包裹！我休了兩個月的假，用我的胸膛餵你，照顧你，看著你睡覺，陪你玩耍。你出生時是單眼皮，但是有一天，當你四個月大的時候，你正在房間裡睡覺，我們正在樓下吃晚飯，突然聽到“噗通”一聲，然後聽到你哭了。我們都衝上樓，當哭聲停止時，你就有了雙眼皮！然後，幾個月後，同樣的事情發生了——所以現在你可以感謝地板賜給你美麗的大眼睛了！

然後，當你16-18個月大的時候，我們帶你去了一次巴黎，住在我們巴黎的家裡。我們去盧森堡公園散步。只是為了看看你是否獨立，我們讓你獨立，看看你什麼時候會去找我們。你搖搖晃晃地走著，撿起石頭，追趕鴿子，觀察周圍發生的一切，但你從不回頭看我們——你一個人感到非常舒服。在這一點上，你很像媽媽，所以對自己很安全，有時你不需要別人。然而，你必須永遠記住，你來到這個世界是為了給周圍的人帶來好處。  做善事有許多形式和規模──護士、醫生、教師、律師，以及任何能幫助別人的人。 「行善」的第一步就是好好學習，聽老師的話（即使你不喜歡她！）。

最後，在我生病的這幾個月裡，你在家裡一直是一位出色的小護士，幫我打針，拿紙巾和藥品，最重要的是，你的創意作品說“MAMA LO I ♥ U ANCHI 」。哦，我忘記了你在晚上溫暖的擁抱和給我蓋被子。

安奇，媽媽已經升上天空，像雲一樣飄浮，像星星一樣閃耀，我將永遠充滿愛、溫柔地看著你。雖然我不能再擁抱你了，但我仍然住在你的心裡——如果你生氣、不開心或高興，請告訴我，我保證會聽。然後你感覺好多了。

媽媽現在不想離開你，當你如此年輕和脆弱時，那不是我的選擇。  但我可以做一件事──記住兒歌：

我會永遠愛你

我會永遠喜歡你

只要我還活著

我的寶貝，你會是的。

人們可能會告訴你：“你的母親死了”，你可以平靜地回答他們：“不，我的母親是天使，她活在我心裡”。  親愛的，我永遠愛你。

雖然MAMA不在你身邊，但你還有爸爸、Alex哥哥、陸安（我知道你愛他，雖然你並不總是喜歡他）、阿幼婆、Margie等等。 、乾媽、Helena、Michael等，你會得到很多的愛和支持。

媽媽在你的台北寶寶書裡給你留下了一封信，等你長大了一定要讀。另外，我有一個關於我自己的故事給你——隨著你變老。你可以更加欣賞我。不要害怕問別人我是什麼樣的！

我全心全意的愛你。

Dolly