Letter to Lu-An - Dolly, 1995/09

Letter to Lu-An

September, 1995

Dear Lu-An,

When mama was pregnant with you, everybody thought I was carrying a watermelon because I had such a big tummy. Then, after having you, upon being discharged from the hospital (you were a little over 9 Ibs), a little old baby in the hospital elevator looked over at you in my arms and said, "oh, a month-old(満月)baby," but I probably announced you were only a week old!

陸 安 鄧

You know, Lu-An Teng, your name is a Chinese character from each of your immediate family names - 鄧 is Daddy, 安 is "An" from An Chi and 陸 is MAMA's last name, we wanted each to give you something special.

Anyway, as a baby, you loved to eat everything, especially grapes, string beans, soup and sweet peas, and became quite overweight (with chubby, layered arms!). Finally, at about two and a quarter years, you started to turn your fat into muscle, by the time you were three you were no longer a toddler, you were a little boy.

So many times, you have made mama laugh 😄, like when you called high heel shoes "Ding Kao Hsieh" or once at the park when you had to poo and went to a restaurant for you to use their bathroom, and were gone a long time, but returned saying "我的大便睡覺了"(my poo went to sleep), or when you asked me what color my 金剛老師 was and there is simply as way of responding --- yes, you are many, many bundles of laughs.

There is something I want to say to you, even though you're younger than your sister by 2 years, soon you'll outgrow her in physical strength and shall require your protection. You'll find throughout the years she could be your best friend and listener, even though it doesn't seem like that now.

You were always a happy, affectionate child - always laughing, easily forgeting your troubles, direct, uncomplicated. Over the past six months or so, you're also developed a confidence in yourself - keep it up, a strong self sense is very important as you grow older. However, there are five other values you must also learn:

trust: believe in yourself and others
respect: look up to others, for what they are inside (not always is that evident)
strength: mental, not physical - to be brave, take care of others
sensitive: listen to other people's needs, fears
compassion: care for those less fortunate than you

Finally, act on what you "feel" is right. That feeling is composed of logic, intelligence, sense of right and wrong, and emotions. Emotions are nothing to be afraid of - they sometimes may be the guide to solutions. In essence, be at peace with yourself and the world.

As for living, choose good friends, study hard, and when you're through, be good at what you do. Be happy at what you do. Perhaps you can pick a profession that helps others, being a doctor, a teacher, lawyer, a social worker. There is an indescribable feeling from a job that gives you the opportunity to help others. Learn the "joce de vivre" - the "joy of being alive."

A philosopher once said, "There are two lasting bequests one can give a child, one is "roots", the other "wings." I was not in your life long enough to give you full wings or roots, but believe me, the "tips" are there!

MAMA will look down at you from that stars every night, gentle, caring, loving - I have not "died" but gone onto another life.

MAMA

親愛的陸安，

當媽媽懷你的時候，每個人都以為我懷的是西瓜，因為我的肚子很大。然後，有了你，出院後（你才9磅多一點），醫院電梯裡的一個小嬰兒看著我懷裡的你，說：「哦，一個月大了（満月）寶貝，」但我可能宣布你只有一周大！

陸安鄧

你知道，滕陸安，你的名字是每個直系親屬名字中的一個漢字- 鄧是爸爸，安是安琦的“安”，陸是媽媽的姓氏，我們希望每個人都能給你一些特別的東西。

不管怎樣，身為一個嬰兒，你什麼都喜歡吃，尤其是葡萄、四季豆、湯和甜豌豆，並且變得相當超重（手臂胖乎乎的，分層的！）。最後，大約兩歲半的時候，你開始將脂肪轉化為肌肉，到了三歲的時候，你不再是幼兒，而是小男孩。

很多時候，你都讓媽媽笑了😄，比如你把高跟鞋叫“頂高鞋”，或者有一次在公園你要大便，去餐館讓你使用他們的衛生間，然後走了很長時間，但回來時說「我的大便睡著了」（我的便便睡著了），或是當你問我我的金剛老師是什麼顏色時，有簡單的回應方式--- 是的，你有很多很多捆的笑聲。

我有件事想對你說，雖然你比姐姐小兩歲，但很快你的體力就會超過她，需要你的保護。你會發現多年來她可能是你最好的朋友和傾聽者，儘管現在看起來並非如此。

你一直是個快樂、深情的孩子──總是笑，很容易忘記你的煩惱，直接，不複雜。在過去的六個月左右的時間裡，你也對自己產生了信心——堅持下去，隨著年齡的增長，強烈的自我意識非常重要。但是，您還必須學習其他五個價值觀：

信任：相信自己和他人

尊重：尊重他人，了解他們的內心（並不總是那麼明顯）

力量：精神上的，而不是身體上的－要勇敢，照顧他人

敏感：傾聽他人的需求、恐懼

同情心：關心那些比你不幸的人

最後，按照你「感覺」對的事情去做。那種感覺是由邏輯、智力、是非感和情感組成的。情緒沒什麼可怕的——它們有時可能是解決問題的指南。本質上，與自己和世界保持和平。

至於生活，選擇好朋友，努力學習，當你完成後，做好你所做的事情。對你所做的事感到高興。也許你可以選擇一個幫助別人的職業，像是醫生、教師、律師、社工。一份讓你有機會幫助別人的工作有一種難以形容的感覺。了解「joce de vivre」—「活著的樂趣」。

一位哲學家曾經說過：“一個人可以給孩子留下兩份永恆的遺產，一個是“根”，另一個是“翅膀”。我在你生命中的時間還不夠長，無法給你完整的翅膀或根，但相信我， 「竅門」有！

媽媽每天晚上都會從星星上俯視你，溫柔、關懷、慈愛——我沒有“死”，而是進入了另一種生活。

媽媽